October 17, 2007
It has been 5 months.
Last time i did it was 7 years ago.. i was in the third grade of junior high at that time.
June 8, 2007.
A day after I bought a fucking bouquet of roses [only cost me 30 thousands!!]
I was in Tasikmalaya at that time.
There was so much thoughts about her [now my ex] in my head:
— was she honest with me?
— what’s she doing with the guy?
— what should i do in our relationship? [well, i have had plan to buy a ring after i got home.. lucky me!!]
And i had so much to do in that town, and i need my brain too!!
With so much task running around in brain, i the multitasking-man got my brain stopped working.
my brain stopped!!
My brain kept undoing nothing-else than perceiving my senses.
It took all day!!
I didn’t like it so much.. i never like that experience, ever!!
So, at the night..
I asked for a cigarette from my friend
he gave me one.
It was a Lucky Strike, the red one.
I burnt it and smoked it..
all the thoughts that kept running around in my brain suddenly stopped.
Suddenly i can saw them one by one.
[Was i hallucinating? maybe.. but it did help me]
I can picked what i wanted, one by one…
Since that day, i kept smoking.
I have tried to stop
I ain’t need it anyway.
But i still doing it..
yeah, at least i can control it.
i smoke when i want
i can quit when i want
i got my own money to buy it.
But still one thing i kept in my head:
I will not ask someone to start smoking.
You wanna start smoking?
That’s your choice.. use your free will.